Two Traps To Avoid With Losses

Photo by Freddie Sze on Unsplash

When we lose an opportunity (a sale, a promotion, a job offer, etc.), it’s normal - and OK - to feel down, especially if it was something we really wanted. After all, if we’ve really given it everything we had, we’ve made a commitment (emotional and otherwise) which, ultimately, has not been rewarded. 

So, we take the lumps. But we also need to deal with it effectively, which means we have to ensure we avoid two common traps - over-analysis and extrapolation.

Over-analysis means, quite obviously, that we shouldn’t overanalyze the loss. We should assess if our game plan was on point, look at the work we put in, determine if we reacted appropriately to the signals throughout the process and gave it our best shot. If we’ve done those things, then, while we can be disappointed, we can still be confident in ourselves.

Extrapolation means that we shouldn’t interpret the result as a sign of things to come - an impending lack of confidence, cracks in our technical foundation, etc. Unless we’re seeing a sustained, factual basis for our loss, then it holds no bearing for the future. And even where there is an underlying basis for the loss, we at least know what needs to be worked on.

In the heat of the moment, this can be tough to do. It’s tempting after a loss to look at the worst case and draw our conclusions on that basis. It’s harder, for sure, to focus on the positives, to emphasize all of the things that are working.

And the reason for that has nothing to do with our technical abilities. It has to do with our ability to focus on the “possible” - requires a firm, undying belief in ourselves, in our ability to be able to navigate our problems, to overcome our losses. In other words, self-confidence.

That is the real lesson and it doesn’t just happen. It’s borne of continued work, continued experience and a clear and rational accounting of how we’ve overcome in the past as the basis for how we can and will overcome in the future. 

The mental work is always the hardest - it’s what breeds confidence and continuity. It’s what allows us to keep things together, and not overanalyze or (wrongly) extrapolate.

That is the work that allows us to keep going.