Supervillains and The Lost Art Of Empathy
Photo by Inkredo Designer on Unsplash
If we think about situations or times in our lives when we’ve felt underwater, under pressure or simply out of pace with what’s going on, it’s quite probable that we’ve reacted to those around us in less than positive ways.
Perhaps someone asks us about our work and we lash out at them instead of giving them a straight answer. Or we escalate elements of our work into a super charged frenzy, working up our teammates unnecessarily. Or perhaps we turn inwards and become difficult to be around and work with (inadvertently or otherwise).
In those instances, we behave like - or are certainly perceived to be - the ‘supervillain’.
That sounds harsh, doesn’t it? We don’t like that term, not when it’s applied to ourselves. Because if we try and objectively think about our behavior in those situations (and we’ve all been there), we can assess that, while the behavior may not have been right, the basis for it is understandable (at least to ourselves).
I was in a bad place. I was preoccupied with a personal issue. I felt overwhelmed and out of my depth. My head just wasn’t in the game.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that we’re right to react as we do, because most of the time, we’re not. I’m simply saying that, to ourselves, it’s explainable. In other words, our rationalization is, if they only knew what I was dealing with, they would understand why I acted that way.
If you really want to drill down, there are likely many root causes. But , in my mind, probably all of them stem from a sense of insecurity: I don’t know what to do, I’m worried about my future, etc.
And if that’s the case, I’d also posit that, if we trusted the other person enough to understand us and our root issues at those times, to empathize and give us the benefit of the doubt and help us feel secure in ourselves, we’d likely react differently. Does that make sense?
By the same token, then, when we turn that around, and we become the ones on the receiving end of such behavior - in other words, when we interact with the ‘supervillains’ in our own lives (at work or elsewhere), it’s probably wise for us to do exactly the same.
We should look for ways to empathize or sympathize. We should look to give them a sense of comfort and confidence. Because, just like us, they’re likely grappling with issues themselves. And, for the most part, what they’re looking for is a little understanding, empathy and kindness.
As Seth Godin says, “while there are definitely some super villains among us, it’s more likely we’re simply dealing with someone who feels like he’s drowning”.
