The Work Of Being Self-Aware

Photo by Mario Dobelmann on Unsplash

Self-awareness is a tricky thing. 

I mean, we intuitively recognize its importance, but truly practicing it - balancing it - is another thing altogether. Certainly, we’ve seen examples of folks who run the entire spectrum. 

Those who are like a bull in a China shop, completely oblivious to whatever anyone around them says or thinks - or perhaps they are aware but simply don’t care or believe it’s necessary to consider their views. 

Those who are painfully aware of what others think and perceive about them and hence couch everything they say with tentativeness (“I’m not sure but…” or “This may not be correct but…”).

Either end of the spectrum isn't helpful, to us (if we act this way) or to others. They certainly don’t help us in achieving our goals in the long term (individual or collective).

So it’s helpful to understand, as best as we can, how to achieve the right balance. 

Self-awareness has a couple of aspects to it: the understanding of our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and then the translation of these thoughts, feelings and behaviors into actions. 

In both of the examples above, the issue lies in an issue in one or the other aspect of this definition. 

Do we understand how we ourselves think and why? Have we done the work to articulate our ideas to ourselves? Have we done the critical thinking as to why we think or perceive in the way we do - what are our evaluative criteria?

And then, how are we translating and communicating our ideas to those around us - our colleagues, families, friends? How are our actions being received? How are we evaluating the response? How are we adjusting, as needed?

I understand that this is a lot - there are a lot of moving parts there and so it’s a difficult ask. There’s much that goes into these evaluations, including (not least) our own sense of self and our learned experiences (good and bad). But it’s essential work that needs to be done. 

It requires us to be very intentional about the process. We have to make the effort to become more self-aware. That’s the first decision. If we don’t think there’s a problem (or opportunity for improvement), there’s nothing to fix.

It means considering the context of the discussion we’re having and how that context might differ for us and for others i.e. how do we each evaluate the same information? This is the recognition that we’re all unique and my way isn’t always the right (and only) one.

It means being thoughtful about how we communicate with others, being conscious of how our words will be received, who is receiving it, their culture and context, etc. This is about giving the benefit of the doubt in situations that don’t align with our world view, instead of considering they’re simply incorrect.

It means listening carefully to the response we’re getting and then assessing why, not just using our own evaluative constructs but those we are communicating with.

Again, I know this is a difficult ask - if being self-aware sounds like a lot of work, it certainly is. I also know that it can be tempting to push through and just get things done in the spirit of ‘forward momentum’ - and sometimes that might be necessary. 

But how many times can we do that before we lose credibility, before we lose trust? If the thing we’re trying to build is something that really matters, it’s probably worth putting in the effort.