It Isn't About Anything Other Than Us
Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash
Sports allegiances are, for the most part, irrational.
When we root for a team, we do so for reasons that typically have no objective basis. And on that emotional basis, we become “supporters” - and, for those of us who take our support seriously, proceed to entrench ourselves in the traditions of the team.
Which, of course, means we not only support our team but we hate their (our) rivals. Because they’re our rivals. We not only celebrate when we make a goal, we’re happy when they miss one.
(They don’t even have to vying against us for the same trophy, we simply gloat at their mishaps. I know we’re not even in the running for the championship trophy, I’m just glad (Insert Your Arch-Rival Team) didn’t win.)
As I said, that’s not rational, but it’s par for the course when it comes to sports. It’s pretty much accepted.
But often we carry this over into our personal and professional lives as well, and it’s equally as irrational.
We look at those vying for goals we aspire to, those who are pursuing objectives we value and sometimes we’re happy for them, but, many times, we’re not.
We may not hate them - that’s a strong word - but we take some comfort in their inability to attain what we want but don’t have. Instead of being happy for them. As if it’s a consolation for what we haven’t been able to do ourselves.
That’s always the ‘tell’ that we perceive that we haven’t done what we should have. Which isn’t to suggest that that’s the reality, rather that’s our perception of reality. It’s got nothing to do with them, and everything to do with us.
We may not be happy with what we have. We may believe we should be doing more. We may believe that we should have made the effort to do more, to achieve more. Perhaps we believe we can’t do it, and yet someone else in our position does. Maybe all of these reasons aren’t perceptions, maybe they’re simply facts. Maybe we really just haven’t done the work.
At the end of the day, perception or otherwise, it always boils back down to us. We own our outcomes, regardless of whatever is going on in the external world. We own what we do and how we react.
That’s what we need to remember, as much as we want to shift the blame elsewhere. The reaction is the tell.
When we find ourselves reflexively reacting this way, it’s worth asking why. It’s never about the other person. It’s about us.
