The Second Half Of Life

Photo by Jill Heyer on Unsplash

So much of my youth was spent constructing who I wanted to be, my sense of self. With that came the confidence to do the things I needed to do, in order to be what I defined as successful. 

But with it also came a series of behaviors (facades? Personas? ) that were designed to protect me from getting hurt, personally or professionally. I was conscious that, in my pursuit to be respected and received positively, I’d be conscious of how I behaved, what I said, what I did. 

This is who I am and it fits nicely within the box that you’ve become comfortable with. So please accept me.

That’s not uncommon - it’s actually pretty normal. We all do it and, in order to be part of any given community, it’s pretty much required. Sure, some of us will go to greater lengths than others, but we all (choose to) operate within specific confines and norms. We’re not all exactly who we are. (Some folks even wear it as a badge.)

Of course, I like to think I was more myself than not, but if I’m honest, there were plenty of instances where I was more concerned about the box and fitting in, than building/defining my own. 

As I get older, though, my perspective is changing. I’ve less time for behaving one way while feeling another. I’m not interested in spending time with those who might be quick to judge me. I find it far, far harder to grin my way through a conversation with folks who “aren’t themselves”.

I also appreciate that there’s a cost to that. It means I’ll have fewer “friends”. My ‘community’’ becomes smaller. I get that.  

But the thing is, I’m much more interested in being myself - to the extent I understand myself - and being with those who are ready and comfortable to be themselves. I don’t have to “get along”, I don’t have to observe the norms of a given community if I don’t agree with it, even if it is one that I grew up with and one that, once upon a time, played a part in molding who I became. 

Carl Jung talked about the two halves of our lives, saying that the first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego while the second half is about letting it go. 

I think what he meant was that in the second half of your life, you realize what matters, what’s important and what moves you. And that the important thing is to focus on that - not in a self-centered way, but one which is aligned with your values, one that makes you feel better about who you really are and who you really want to be. One where those around you are truly interested in being real.

Put another (crude) way, I think it’s about giving far fewer fucks as you get older, because life’s far too short. 

Of course, that’s not easy. But as I get older, that makes more and more sense to me.