Sometimes Our Thoughts Get In The Way

Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash

One of the things I love about kids is their ability to just go after something they want. 

Put a paintbrush in their hand and they create. Give them an instrument and they play without reservation. Ask them to tell you a story and they simply do it. They don’t worry about their technique, or their current skill level, or how their artistic choices will be perceived by the world. 

They just do - both for the sheer joy of doing as well as what could be. Their enthusiasm and gusto drive them forward, excited by the possibilities, excited to see how their ideas will translate and excited by the chance to realize what’s in their heads.

As we get older, too many of us tend to lose this sense. All of those other factors gain more prominence. Our thoughts about implications, consequences and perceptions start to gain weight, at least in our minds. I don’t think this is always a bad thing, necessarily - there are times when they stop us from being completely foolhardy, from trusting the wrong people, etc. (We tend to call this experience.)

But many times, we give these thoughts a weight they don’t deserve, and/or we let them stop us from really trying something that means something to us. Things as simple as dabbling in the arts to more consequential choices such as starting a new business. In the balance scale in our minds, we put far more weight on what could go wrong than what could go right. We decide to manage risk rather than take them (even calculated ones). 

This is a problem.

Have you ever read an interview about a successful business where it turns out that the founder had zero experience in that industry prior to starting that business? Turned out that, far from being a handicap, it was actually a strength. They weren’t encumbered by past baggage of “the way things are done around here”. They identified the problem and figured out a unique and different way to solve it. 

Similarly, many entrepreneurs will tell you, if I knew how hard this was going to be beforehand, I would never have started it in the first place! What that means is - at the outset, they balanced the value of doing it more than the value of not doing it. And then got on with it. Yes, problems arose. Yes, there were issues. But the point was to work through all of it, to focus on the mission, the end goal. To get there.

I want to be careful saying this, but in many ways, societal norms and perceptions and conventional wisdom are not our friends. They wear this cloak of support and comfort and encouragement, but only if you do what they prescribe. You are in the club and have our full support so long as you abide by our rules. For some, that’s good enough and that’s fine. But for others, it’s constraining, and yet they persist in it, because the balance scale has been tipped too far. There is no fulfillment. 

Is that you? Are you grappling with this now? 

I’m asking because I know that’s been me (at multiple points in my life). Everything I’ve discussed above is something I’ve personally grappled with, choices that have influenced me, decisions that I’ve made or not made. And then I had to live with the consequences, positive and otherwise. 

I won’t tell you I’m perfect at managing this balance, but I’m definitely better than I used to be. I think the secret (if there is such a thing) is caring less about how others judge what you’re doing and more about your own views. It’s about taking the time to define what you believe in and what you don’t. It’s about defining your personal mission, value set, and focusing on achieving that. 

(Warning: plenty of folks will disagree and plenty will have lots of reasons why you’re wrong. Plenty of folks will decide not to come along for the ride. That’s just part of the process.) 

The important thing is you. Our hardest work is figuring out what we want - and then not letting our thoughts get in the way.