The Thing About Respect
Photo by Damir Kopezhanov on Unsplash
The thing about respect is that it isn’t something that’s bestowed upon us. We can’t simply expect respect as some sort of birthright, a product of our position or title or so-called standing. We have to earn it.
Our actions and behaviors are what enable us to earn it, enable us to command respect. That’s all on us. We own all of our outcomes.
Far too often, though, we devolve into a world of “shoulds”, of “judgements”, effectively of “defeat”. We think things should be one way when they’re clearly not.
But here’s the thing: none of that is relevant. None of that matters. All that matters is what we can control i.e. what we do. Remember, we own all of our outcomes. Always.
So it’s on us to do what we need to do. To take the steps to ensure we’re able to command respect. Which, in my mind, means a few things:
Own yourself. We have to believe we deserve it, that we’re worthy of it. Many times, we doubt ourselves and who we are. That always shows. Everything starts with us. In our heads.
Know your shit. Certainly in a workplace setting, know what you need to know. Own your content. Become the expert. Do it well. Learn. Improve. Strive for excellence. This is foundational. Non-negotiable.
Show humility. And while you need to know your shit, don’t try to hide the fact that you’re not perfect. If you haven’t noticed, no one else is either. This is why we work together, as a team. The point is to be clear about what you’re good at and what you’re not. Lean into what you know. It really is fine.
Stand up for your beliefs and ideas. Communicate - clearly - your point of view, your perspective. If you know your stuff, say it, and with conviction. Your colleagues need the benefit of your wisdom. If they don’t accept it, that isn’t your problem (unless you don’t know your stuff, or your issue is my next point).
Show respect to others. It’s a two-way street and a little self awareness will go a long way. How are you talking, communicating, responding? What are your choice of words? How many times does the word “I” enter the frame? How much credit do you give? How much praise do you provide? How positive are you about others? Are you rude to the waitstaff?
Be ready to say no. Do what you do. Help where you can help. But learn to say no - for the right reasons, of course. If you’re clear, genuine and your intent is right, then your No should be understood. Don’t just do it to make someone else happy. We don’t need to be liked all the time by everyone.
Walk away, if necessary. Of course, not everyone will oblige. Some folks just won’t demonstrate respect, even when you’ve done what you need to do. When that happens, maintain yours by setting limits and boundaries. What you’ll tolerate and what you won’t. And if that means, you walk, then, you walk.
Look, none of us are perfect, we’re all works in progress. That really is OK. The problem arises when we won’t accept that and we lean into our insecurities and judgements. That’s where these problems arise - in ourselves and others. Let’s not do that.
