When We Stop Asking Questions

Photo by Emily Morter on Unsplash

At what point do we stop asking questions?

It comes very naturally to us when we’re young, but at some point, so many of us, simply stop. 

There are many reasons for this. It could be that it wasn’t encouraged at home. Or it could be that our schools and our teachers didn’t want to hear them. Or it could be peer related, not wanting to seem ‘out of place’ with our friends. (I can’t quite decide which of those is the worst.)

Unless we’re tremendously strong-willed and independent, these external pressures take their toll. 

They force us to think first before we ask our question. But not simply think first, to evaluate our questions before we ask them. And then to second guess ourselves as to whether the question is even worth asking. Which then leads us to wonder how we’ll look if we do ask it. And then second guess ourselves again. And then to not ask the question at all. 

Which is actually the worst move of all, because it doesn’t happen all at once. Rather it happens gradually, then suddenly. And so, we stop. 

The problem is that not asking stops us from understanding. It stops us pushing out of our boundaries or our comfort zone. It stops us from truly growing. 

So one thing we need to remember is that we need to ask questions. Frame them how you like, but ask the question. 

Even the most simple ones - the dumb ones - can yield insights we never expected. The dumbest questions can, in many ways, be the most insightful.

The trick is not to become self-conscious and just do it. 

Don’t second guess and don’t filter. 

Focus on the underlying intent. Ask because you truly want to understand, not because you want to look smart or to position yourself.

Ask because you want to learn and move the discussion forward. Ask because it’s helpful - to you or someone else. 

If that’s the case, then, we’re moving forward.