Getting A Grip On 'The Difficult'

Photo by Mihály Köles on Unsplash

There’s no worse feeling than being in the midst of a difficult situation and feeling helpless, not being able to do anything about it. The result is the noise in our heads that is anxiety.

But difficult situations are difficult for two reasons: lack of comprehension and lack of perceived control.

When we have no understanding of what’s happening and why, we get nervous and anxious. We begin to formulate all sorts of possibilities and outcomes, probable or not. That’s what stirs the emotions within us.

Calming these emotions requires, and starts with, understanding. What’s happening? Why is it happening? What were the potential reasons and causes? This is a data-driven endeavor (to the extent possible). The point is to understand - as impartially as possible - what’s caused the situation we’re in and why.

Then, once we have even some semblance of understanding, we can then begin to actually do. We can begin to figure out how we’re going to react - the possible end states we can get to, the specific steps to be taken to get there, the paths forward. We can then exercise - or at least perceive we can exercise - a level of control over our situation. This is empowering and is what reduces the noise in our heads. 

Of course, not all situations will allow for ‘solvable’ steps. That’s just a reality of life. Sometimes, there’s simply nothing we can do, so it simply is what it is. But there’s a value to this as well. 

Simply understanding where we are and what is and isn’t possible, can be calming in and of itself. 

Because it affords us the opportunity to do something. Or simply accept that there’s nothing we can do and move on as best as we can.