"...But What Will They Think?"
You know, the older I get, the less patience I have for the idea that we should let anyone or anything other than ourselves be the guide for what we do. That the perspectives of others are, at best, suggested inputs, and at worst, detrimental guidance (intentional or otherwise).
And the reason for this loss of patience is that I have grown tired of my own personal issues in this regard. I mean, I think back, and I get frustrated by the myriad decisions that I would have/should have/could have made differently over the years, from when I was a kid to even a few short years ago.
Decisions where I was, in retrospect, more concerned about perception and positioning. Where I perhaps didn’t want to upset someone, or offend them. Where my Go-To rationalization was that, well, perhaps they know better, as opposed to trusting my instincts about what I knew was right.
In retrospect, I didn’t have enough faith in myself. Or I didn’t have firm enough convictions. Or, if I’m really hard on myself, I was simply abdicating responsibility, so I could have someone to blame if/when things went wrong. (All of these are kind of saying the same thing.)
Of course, I’ve come to the realization that, at the end of the day, I’m responsible for my outcomes. If the outcomes aren’t what I want, then it’s my fault - for not standing up for what I believed in, for not doing what my gut and instincts told me to do, or for not changing my situation in some material way if I found I couldn’t change things materially.
If the outcomes weren’t what I wanted, then it’s my fault. Always.
I realize all of this now. It would have been good if 15 (or 25 or 35 or 45) year old me understood this, but he didn’t, not to the degree that I do now. That’s how life is, I suppose, that’s how we learn. I’m certainly not suggesting I’m perfect, because I’m not. But, to quote Jules Winnfield, I’m trying, Ringo, I’m trying real hard.
Maybe you feel the same. Maybe some of this resonates with you. Maybe you’ve put up with more bullshit than you’d like and done things that you knew you shouldn’t have, because of how it looked, because of what others might have thought or said.
Well, then, let me - a random writer on the internet - absolve you of this delusion. You’re the “decider”. You call the shots.
Because you have to live with the outcomes. And, really, you’ll never be wrong. You’ll simply be one step closer to figuring out the right way forward. And the fact is that no one else knows much better than you anyway - not of your own situation and circumstances and trade-offs. Because if you don’t, and things don’t come out the way you want, remember, it’s your fault. Always.
It’s best, therefore, that you (we) own it.
