These Aren't The Expectations You're Looking For
Many times, I think we’re so beholden to other people’s expectations of us, that instead of doing what we really want to do, we constrain ourselves with someone else’s expectations of us.
But it’s actually worse than that. More often than not, it isn’t actually what they expect of us, it’s our perception of their expectations of us.
Because from a young age, it’s drilled into our heads. This is how you should behave. This is what you should do. This is how this act is perceived. No one like us does stuff like that.
So, we don’t. We do what’s considered right - not by us, perhaps, but by some definition of society at large - whether it’s our work or our family or our friends. We do what we’re told. We do what’s accepted. If we take any risks at all, we do so only within this confined, defined universe.
And why not? After all, there’s safety in numbers. You can’t be wrong if everyone else is wrong, right? Why stand out and risk humiliation? Why expose yourself in that way?
And so, the real risks - the ones we want to take, the ones that will define us, make us and change us - remain in our heads, frustrated by the strait-jacket of this definition of humanity we’ve created for ourselves.
Why the fuck do we do this to ourselves?
The thing is, I’m pretty sure that most of the folks we worry about, don’t even really notice, or care. I don’t think they think about us as much as we think they do. And for those who do - for those who look, judge and shake their heads - maybe the fact is that they’re not who we should be doing what we do for. Maybe they’re just not relevant.
That’s a tough thing to do, I know. Especially after years of programming to think in that particular way. (I did it right now as I wrote these words, by debating with myself if I should use the above expletive in this post: Should I use it? Will parts of my audience, or those on specific platforms, be offended? I ultimately decided: Fuck it….)
And, yes, I recognize that there’s a trade-off here. There’s no safety in numbers, nowhere to hide, nowhere to retreat to, in case you fail. Then again, that also depends on your definition of failure. Did you fail? Or did you do what you were meant to do? Did you not waste your life serving some other agenda that you never really (or no longer) believed in?
We should be making these decisions for ourselves. And then living with all that follows, because those decisions are our own.
