Making Difficult Choices

Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

At the end of season 2 of the HBO series, Succession, one of the show’s main characters, Tom, tells his wife, Shiv, something I found to be especially poignant:

“I wonder if the sad I’d be without you, would be less than the sad I’d get from being with you.”

He says it, of course, in the context of their relationship, but it's meaningful in the context of other ‘relationships’ in our lives, be it with our work, our friendships or otherwise.

We spend so much time building these relationships - doing things we’re comfortable doing because the ‘returns’ are known and predictable, or maintaining particular friendships because we’ve ‘grown up’ together and there’s a comfort or consistency to them - that we sometimes don’t make the effort to evaluate whether they’re still working for us.

Or we have thought about it, and we do understand that it’s not ideal, it’s not working, and yet we keep going, because it’s the easier path. 

The fact is that we get into routines and systems that we know and can predict, even when they aren’t good for us. Because we don’t know where we’ll be without them. 

What we’ll lose. Whether we’re able to do something else. Whether we can ever be with someone else. Or simply whether it’s in us to do the hard work needed to begin again.

Because doing something else means doing things that are uncertain and difficult and risky. And the easier path is the status quo. Better the devil you know.

At the same time, if we’re honest with ourselves, I think we also know that, after a point, that’s not the right answer. When the “sad” we’ll feel outside of that context will be less than the sad we’ll feel within it. 

The bet, of course, is that it will be a temporary sad and the work that we’ll do to reestablish ourselves will result in something more constructive, something more positive, something more ‘happy’.  

Not at all an easy choice, certainly. The variables for making these decisions will differ from you to me to someone else. And emotion and fear of making any change will play a significant, often outsized role. 

But at some point, we’re all forced to make this assessment. 

What matters more to me? What is better for me? Where do I need to go? 

Is the current situation serving me and helping me grow? Or is it holding me back, hurting me?

Hard choices, indeed, but choices we all have to ultimately make.